![\"\"](\"http:\/\/frankssaladdays.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/no1covcorner1.png\" "\\"No1CovCorner\\"")
<\/a>Its like a cute little white baby alien.<\/p><\/div>\n
El Calavera<\/span><\/strong><\/em>\u2013 The trademark skull changed many times over the years. \u00a0In the beginning here we had the Klaus Janson version, in keeping with previous iterations it still had the big round eyes.\u00a0 Best use of it would be Frank stopping for Arts and Crafts during his decimation of a Jungle Drug Complex and painting the white skully bullseye on a found bulletproof vest, thus proving to the DEA agent he just rescued that yes, Frank is fucking nuts, and no, you\u2019re not going to get out of this alive.<\/p>\n OPFoR<\/span><\/strong> <\/em>\u2013 Crackheads, drug dealers, South American narcotics manufacturers, a Vietnamese colonel, white supremacist revolutionary bank robbers, and a suicidal atheistic socialist cult led by siblings with touch healing and psychic precognition powers.\u00a0 And a raccoon.\u00a0 They decided to take it easy and keep things grounded by not breaking out any of the wacky shit for the first five issues.<\/p>\n Medal of Survival Recipients<\/span><\/strong><\/em>\u00a0\u2013 Panel Left is Micro Junior. Panel Right is Robert Smith of The Cure. Not Pictured is How This Happened.<\/p><\/div>\n Two important characters are introduced here in the 4th<\/sup> issue: Microchip AKA \u2018Lowell Bartholomew Ori\u2019 (bet you thought his name was Linus Lieberman, didn\u2019t you?) and his son, Microchip Junior, a young angsty computer punk with definitive choices in hair.\u00a0 Microchip’s association with Frank Castle makes you question his fundamental concepts of parenting, and subsequently involving his son in vigilante murder hijinks pretty much answers that.<\/p>\n Modus Locomotus<\/span><\/strong><\/em> \u2013 First appearance of Battle Van, so point Battle Van.\u00a0 It\u2019s a twinturbo Ford V6 (no V8 at this trim level) with a police radio, infrared cameras, bulletproof windows, an escape motorcycle, self-destruct mechanism, and just to remind you this is the 80s, Frank also drops the astonishing tidbit that it can switch into 4WD without having to get out and lock the hubs. And it costs $500,000 in 1987 dollars (to put this in perspective, this is $1,012,698 in today money, or the cost of a Bugatti Veyron).<\/p>\n In 1986, Ford debuted the Aerostar Minivan. In 1987, Frank debuted the Aerostar Battlevan.<\/p><\/div>\n If you price out all of the individual features of the van except super 4WD, that works out to about $80,000.\u00a0 Which means Frank spent ~$420,000 on the ability to not have to stop the van before he goes muddin\u2019. This is a man with priorities.\u00a0 As an honorable mention, in the 2nd<\/sup> issue there’s an Apache attack helicopter with some creative license taken with the seating arrangements.\u00a0 The pilots sit side-by-side, a design choice which makes it easier for Frank to line them up to kill their asses after he jumps onto the chopper from a rooftop.<\/p>\n Weapons Tech<\/span><\/strong><\/em> \u2013 80s Punisher loves to sprinkle real weapons throughout their issues; it brought a broad gun-nut demographic of readers to the book, and more importantly, made the Punisher letters column the most disturbing collection of writing extant prior to the invention of gothpassions.com.\u00a0 In issue 2, Frank is delighted by a Striker Automatic Shotgun, widely considered to be a total piece of shit by most of the poor South Africans who actually had to use it.\u00a0 You know why Frank boners over it?\u00a0 Because Frank fucking loves it when his guns jam, so we can move on to the more \u201cnon-traditional\u201d weaponry in the next column\u2026<\/p>\n “Frank thinks its cute. Its cute.”<\/p><\/div>\n Dumbass Weapons Tech<\/span><\/strong><\/em> \u2013 Diamond tipped fake fingernails.\u00a0 In the very first issue he proves his security in his manliness by choosing the most womanly of combat fashion accessories.\u00a0 They show up several times over the next couple of issues ripping out a throat, opening a cardboard box really fast, and helping an old war buddy shuffle off this mortal coil by cutting his wrists (then throwing him out of a helicopter).<\/p>\n Bowed but Unbroken<\/span><\/strong><\/em>\u00a0\u2013 In the early days, before Ennis turned him into a bullet-absorbing universal force of unkillableness, Frank was dangerously easy to get the drop on.\u00a0 In issue 1 he’s captured and tied to a chair for the very first time in what would go on to be a long and lucrative career of getting captured and tied to chairs.\u00a0 His buddy the DEA agent is captured twice in issue 2.\u00a0 Frank is temporarily captured in #3 when he\u2019s outwitted by the old master bush tactic of ‘walking up behind him with a pistol’, and he\u2019s nearly killed in issue 4 getting shot in the back the very same way.<\/p>\n Wha-tocka-POW!!!<\/p><\/div>\n In issue 5 this works on him twice, first a girl splashes acid in his face, and then later the same issue she walks up behind him and smacks him in the head with a frying pan Tom and Jerry\u00a0style.\u00a0 These were truly exciting times, no one knew how long this book would actually last, and though he led the Marvel pantheon in murderistic enthusiasm, he was woefully short in situational\u00a0awareness.\u00a0 This dude could literally go at any minute.<\/p>\n The Ladies<\/span><\/strong><\/em> \u2013 Plenty has been posted about Frank\u2019s legendary kill counts, but there\u2019s a far more interesting statistic we\u2019re all missing here.\u00a0 There are a grand total of 6 females in these first five issues.\u00a0 And when I say 6, I\u2019m including two who only appeared in a single panel, one in the background.\u00a0 I\u2019m not even going to begin to open the can of worms, implications, and innuendo about the characters, readers, or authors of this book.\u00a0 I\u2019m just sayin\u2019, 80\u2019s Punisher has been nothing but honest from the start: if you buy that Punisher t-shirt from Spencer’s, you WILL be walking around with 2 feet of white grinnin’ pussy repellent on your chest.\u00a0 Of these few brave females who dare these pages, two of them try to sleep with Frank (neither while he’s wearing the skull).\u00a0 He disturbingly chooses not to tarnish the chastity of the evil cult leader chick, but has no problem banging the brainwashed wife of the police officer who helped him infiltrate the cult in the first place.<\/p>\n Dear Ann Landers: I’m interested in one of my husband’s friends; tall, dark, handsome, fashion forward, and a penchant for psycho-killery. Should I leave my family and children to end this marriage of lies?<\/p><\/div>\n Clearly, this man is deeply confused when it comes to relations with the opposite sex, though I\u2019m not sure if its in ways the author intended.<\/p>\n Aliaseses<\/span><\/strong><\/em> \u2013 Several: Bill Messina-suave drug dealer; Arnold Groetsch-Fordem Industries Armored Cars; Agent Peterson-FBI; Frank Loomis-cuckolded husband; and Joe Rainey-homeless vet from Detroit.\u00a0 All without any real effort other than wearing clothes without a giant skull on them.\u00a0 He had identity skills like that old NBC show, \u2018The Pretender\u2019, with the added bonus of not being bullshit.<\/p>\n Postcards from the Edge<\/span><\/strong><\/em> \u2013 Issue #4 is where the letters column reveals the first appearance of a darker segment of the punisher audience that I don\u2019t think the Marvel editors were truly prepared for, the Gun-Nerd.\u00a0 These are the guys that considered the Punisher Magazine to be the Sunday Comics section of Soldier of Fortune.\u00a0 I grew up around guns, family probably owned 25 or so, got my first BB for my 3rd<\/sup> birthday, and had several guns of my own by the time I was 10. \u00a0When I was a kid, I used to see these dudes at gun shows all the time, and even back then I instinctively ID’d the stench of “lose”.<\/p>\n Before the age of google, in issue 4’s letters column ‘Craig’ is able to give a multi-paragraph lesson on the forestock configurations of the AK-47, the proper methods of clearing gun jams, and some mostly incorrect information on the details of the Striker assault shotgun.\u00a0 What\u2019s truly fascinating here is probably the earliest written foreshadowing of the internet, as four issues later he\u2019s ruthlessly flamed by a green beret and some other random dude happy to explain how: Craig’s information? \u00a0Thats bullshit information.\u00a0 And so the flame cycle begins, stoked, fired, and printed by the Marvel editorial staff. \u00a0Look forward to this section, readers, it only gets better over time.<\/p>\n
\nThe Many Faces of the Skull<\/em><\/p>\n
\nWho\u2019s he fighting this round?<\/em><\/p>\n
\nCharacters who lasted more than one story arc (a select group)<\/em><\/p>\n<\/a>
\nIt is better to travel well than to arrive<\/em><\/p>\n<\/a>
\nGuns you can find in Jane\u2019s<\/em><\/p>\n<\/a>
\nGuns you can\u2019t find in Jane\u2019s<\/em><\/p>\n
\nObligatory Frank capture<\/em><\/p>\n<\/a>
\n Yes they are<\/em><\/p>\n<\/a>
\nDress up Frank<\/em><\/p>\n
\nLetter column all-stars<\/em><\/p>\n